Here we are, this is the last post for my “Quarter life crisis” series. Sometimes, to quote Hoggle (from The Labyrinth, my source of wisdom), you need to ask the right question to have the right answer.
Other than the classics “who am I” “what do I really want” “where am I going” “where do I come from” (ok, I’ve never really got this one, maybe I’m wrong, but it always seemed quite clear to me) there are questions that are useful to feel better.
We have the questions for EFT, the ones that you use with yourself, almost chatting with yourself, to find out what’s bothering you, what it feels like, what it looks like and so on.
We have the questions from the Sedona Method, another technique to release negative emotions.
We have pragmatical questions, questions that help you accomplish things: can I reach my goal now? If not, what can I do now? Can I reach X without doing Y? What can I do to reach Y?
Then we have questions I would have carved in stone. I couldn’t put them in order of importance, because they are equally important, depending on each case:
– in ten years, will it still matter?
When you’re angry, or upset for something ask yourself this question. The simple imagination of yourself in ten years will shift your attention from what’s upsetting you, to your future. I bet that the answer will be “no, actually it won’t matter anymore!”
– why does it bother you so much?
I think this one comes from Jung, and it means that when something (an habit, an action, a something, a je ne sais quoi) about someone bothers you really much, really gets on your nerves, ask yourselves why is that.
Very often we find that other people’s annoying flaws annoy us because those are our own flaws, or something we don’t like/don’t accept in ourselves… or maybe, it’s something we would like to have, or to be.
Granted some things bother us for their own sake, I don’t like people being rude because I don’t like rudeness in general. But when you’re dealing with something subtle, not so clear, ask yourseves why.
And be honest with yourselves, don’t go like it’s always and only other people’s fault.
This question helped me so much in my personal growth, in changing parts of me I didn’t like and in appreciating many other things that otherwise I would have lost.
Plus, if you ask yourselves why that bothers you so much, and you find out that it is just something you can’t stand, you will react to that, instead of reacting to that person.
– who said that?
This one blew my mind, an my beloved Icon asked me it: one day I was telling her something along these lines “But anyway that’s useless, I know it’s not going to turn out good”. At this she replied, as quietly as a cat nap in the afternoon, “Who said that? Is that something you heard from someone, or are these words coming from within you?” BAM! Enlightment! Nobody actually told me those words, I was putting myself down before even trying!
And how many times did I do something like that? How destructive this is?
– is it still true?
In some ways this question is linked to the previous one: maybe someone once said something to you, or you’ve heard something that concerned you. Maybe it was something bad, or negative, or something that still affects you somehow.
A classic example? Maybe you’ve heard your mother telling someone “Oh, she’s so shy!”. Et voilà! Life-long shyness is granted! Because you believe it, because you think that you’re mother is right, and you start to collect all the evidences that prove it.
So now ask yourselves: how many beliefs on yourselves you still hold true? How many of those self-fulfilling prophecies your parents carelessly dropped are still valid? How many of these beliefs are in you because of other people? How many are still valid? And true?
People change, I hope these questions will help you like they help me. And if you know any other brilliant questions, please leave them in the comments, I want to know!!!
Very, very valuable words indeed. Thank-you so much – these are GREAT questions!
Thanks to you!
I really hope this can help, I had to share these question, they have been (and still are) SO useful to me!
Great questions. I reread the "who said that" questions a few times. It hit home on many levels.
It hit home with me too, it's stunning!
Io sono completamente d’accordo sulla domanda: “Perché mi dà tanto fastidio??”
E’ un tipo di analisi che non facevo mai, ma in questo periodo mi son messa li in tutta tranquillità ed onestà e ho riflettuto su questa cosa, e ho capito da dove derivavano le frustrazioni che mi facevano discutere sempre con alcune persone. Poi ho capito che non erano loro, quanto piuttosto l’invidia, la sana invidia, che avevo nei loro confronti per ciò che hanno raggiunto e a me manca. Però oh, siamo umani, l’invidia ci sta. Basta sapersi reinventare partendo da una consapevolezza… : )
Beh come dici tu l’invidia è un momento per crescere, non dico di vivere senza (è impossibile!) per se nel momento in cui ci rendiamo conto di essere invidiosi di qualcuno o qualcosa decidiamo anche di fare e agire per non essere più invidiosi (vedi: wow, quel tizio ha dipinto un sacco di bellissimi quadri, che invidia! mi metterò a dipingere pure io, magari finendo quei quadri che ho solo iniziato) è una cosa assolutamente positiva